Kazak (Archer; 2009) and Mowgli

It was another beautiful day in the Seeonee jungle of India. Mowgli was wandering through the jungle like he usually would. He was always careful when doing it. He wouldn't want to run into Kaa the snake or worse... Shere Kahn the Tiger. He had just finished throwing two rocks into a waterfall he used to frequent.

But, what the man-cub didn't know was that there was another man in the jungle. This man was Sterling Archer, an international spy who had come to India on a mission, and he had brought along a dog he met in the middle-east, an English Mastiff named Kazak. Kazak hated guns, but he did like Archer. He considered him his best friend and as for Lana, well... she still had yet to warm up to Kazak.

"Well, that was easy, eh buddy?" Archer asked Kazak. Kazak barked back as if he were telling him "You didn't have to fire off your gun, dude!" "Well, yeah! But I had orders from Mother to terminate him! What the hell was I supposed to do?!" Kazak barked again like he said "You know I hate guns, Archer!" "I know! I know! I'm sorry. but hey, nothing better than exploring the deepest jungles. What do you think, Kazak? It's like we're on Safari. Or better yet, it could be like I'm Indiana Jones with an animal sidekick instead of a hot babe and a little kid. I'm talking about the Temple of Doom, Kazak. You know what I mean."

Kazak knew that Archer had a tendency to ramble about certain things, but then, all of a sudden, something strange caught Kazak's scent. There was a boy in the jungle. Maybe he needed to be rescued. Either way, it smelled like he was by himself in the jungle. Archer noticed this. "What's goin on, Kazak? You smell something?" From the looks of things, i'd say you were smelling something or someone here in the jungle. Ok, I've got an idea, lead me to him. If he's a bad guy, leave him to me, but if it's a good guy... you know what to do." Kazak barked as if he were asking Archer a question. "Yeah, if it's a kid or a babe, you gotta lick em to death! That's your thing! Now go get em, boy! I'm right behind ya." And that was that, Kazak was on the hunt for whoever the scent belonged to and Archer followed closely behind.

Mowgli had just crossed over a log bridge over a river when suddenly, the silence of the jungle was broken by a barking noise. This caught mowgli off guard at first, but when he realized the noise was a barking noise, he regained his composure since he was raised by a wolf pack. "Grey? Is that you?" asked Mowgli. He wanted to be sure it was a wolf. he then noticed a rustling in the bushes as well as a low growl. "Shere Kahn, if that's you, be gone! You have no business here." Mowgli was slightly nervous about the idea that Shere Kahn may have found him, but then, his thoughts were changed when Kazak leaped out of the bushes and tackled the man cub to the ground. Kazak had guessed correctly that the scent he detected was a boy, and since he had him pinned to the ground, it was time for him to do what he did best. Kazak then began licking Mowgli's right cheek repeatedly. "Hahahahaha. Man, you almost got me there, Boy. I thought you were Shere Kahn."

Kazak didn't know who shere kahn was, but he assumed he was a bad guy. Since he didn't know, he paid no mind, and continued to lick mowgli to death, alternating between his cheeks at a rapid pace. "Ah-hahahahahaha. You're the biggest dog i've ever seen, buddy." That's when Archer came out of the bushes to see who Kazak had found. "Who'd ya find, Kazak?" He noticed that it was a kid instead of a babe. "Awe crap. It's a kid. I was really hoping for a wild babe to be out here in the jungle. Ah well. Hey, Kazak. Lay down on him. Come on, boy. Lie down."

Kazak did as archer said and laid down on top of Mowgli. "Uh oh, i'm in big trouble now." said Mowgli. He knew he couldn't move and as for Kazak, he continued to slobber all over Mowgli's face by giving it one big lick after another. As mowgli was laughing, Archer couldn't help but chuckle himself. "Would you look at that? It must feel great, huh? Being trapped underneath a huge 165 pound English Mastiff being licked to death by him? This'd be a dog lover's wettest dream." Archer then realized that he was getting off track again. "Oh wait a minute. I almost forgot. Who are you and what are you doing here?"

"hahahahaha, I'm Mowgli. What's your name?" he asked the man, "Oh, uh I'm afraid i'm not at liberty to mention my name. It's kinda classified, but I guess you could call me... Archer. Damn it! I just mentioned it!" Archer hated it whenever he accidentally revealed his name to someone he just met. Kazak stopped licking Mowgli for just a sec, but he was still all but glued to him so the man-cub couldn't move. "What's the dog's name?" asked Mowgli. "Ok, his name isn't classified. It's actually Kazak. But hey, if a guy's name was literally classified, that would make for a pretty damn good comedy sketch. Alright, Kazak. let him up." and Kazak did as Archer said. He stood up and sat down to let Mowgli up. The man cub wiped his face clean and looked up at both creatures.

"So, what are you doing out here in the jungle? Are you on the run from someone?" asked Archer. "Actually, i am on the run from someone." answered Mowgli. "Who is it? I will personally go over to his house and beat the shit out of him." said Archer. "Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. I'm not on the run from a man, i'm on the run from a tiger." Mowgli retorted. "A tiger?!" exclaimed Archer. "Alright, That's it. show me where that tiger is and i'll blow his goddamn brains out!" Archer blurted out as he drew forth his gun, which in turn caused Kazak to freak out slightly and nuzzle against Mowgli for protection. Mowgli wrapped his arms around Kazak and told Archer "You have man's gun?! Put that thing away, you're scaring him!" Archer realized what he was doing and holstered his gun. "Aw shit. I hate it when this happens. Sorry, kid. Sometimes i lose control. Tell you what. you help me draw Shere Kahn out of hiding, then we'll kill him. Trust me, Mowg. the jungle will be a better place without him."

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